These days like today – I hate them, i really loathe ‘em. They make me feel sick, they make me aggressive, they give me the feeling like I should destruct anything that gets in my fucking way. Killing my teachers would really make me feel better these moments.
I had to get up at the crack of dawn, for getting on the way to school, expecting one of those godawful presentations in front of class. Normally I don’t have any problems to talk in front of many pigs (so called human beeings). But if you know that you missed a whole week of school and cannot catch up all the knowledge which was teached that week, there is no fucking chance to keep calm.
I was standing at the blackboard with three of my schoolmates, I made the presentation with. I really studied my part of it and had no problems at all to talk about it – it just worked perfect. Next step of the presentation was to take a piece of paper out of a bunch. This paper contained a word, which we had to talk about. After five minutes of debating, we had to admit that we had no idea, what we should say.
The teacher just told us to take seet and the next group to start their presentation.
First I felt very embarrassed, but it turned over in a very intensive type of animosity. I heard Trent Reznor’s voice in my head, chanting “You know me – I hate everyone”. This verse of “Wish” described my feeling in such a perfect way.
You may think – why is this guy freaking out because of a simple presentation?
I can tell you. My boss thinks he owns me and can treat me like a piece of shit, use me as a slave. I am in an in-firm training with some blocs of school, which are four weeks long. My boss is way to selfish and took me out of school for one week (25 % of this school-bloc) so I missed so much stuff, just because he wants to earn money whole day long.
That made it impossible to upgrade my grade and final examination gets closer and closer. Into the bargain I had to find out after the presentation that I must go to work on friday evening (the same day, today) and even at saturday.
At 6pm when I came back home, I watched King of Queens, then turned on the computer listened to Chill by The Rasmus and started to feel better again.
But afterwards I began to realise that this fucking presentation, really could have downgraded my mark. Therefore I had to write this blog to reduce feelings of aggression. Now I will listen to Nine Inch Nails, because it will make me feel better and maybe the animosity will evaporate…
